At Phallic Rock (real rock) and (omitted) Valley
Brief Introductory Note - Phallic Rock is a real place, and a top ten "must see" on any number of "Top Ten Things To See/Do In Mongolia" lists. For better and more frank visualization of the rock itself, see here: http://tinyurl.com/3nsossv; for better/more frank visualization of 50% of the act herein described, see here: http://tinyurl.com/42erg8u. For updated photographs from Brandon Stetser - below events inclusive -- see TSO Photoblog. It's important to remember here that cultural differences are cultural differences, that the Phallic Rock is a critical cog in the larger wheel of Mongolian history, and your current chuckling/attitude-in-general doesn't do much to dispel those worst suspicions re: your General Level of Sophistication.
On(1) our way to Phallic Rock our guide Khangai tells us that the rock once served as a kind of warning to "frisky" Buddhist monks - that the rock was once a very real phallus made stone as punishment for deeds unmentionable herein - but now it serves as a local totem for fertility. Phallic Rock is exactly what you think it is - a penis-shaped stone that points directly toward a hillside known sort-of-officially as (omitted) Valley(2) - and according to legend merely touching/petting/etc-ing the rock will grant you good fortune "in that arena of your life", but sitting astride the rock facing your partner will grant you and your partner whatever it is you are hoping for re: childbirth. It goes without saying that mere mention of the rock is as rigorous a challenge to my sense of decorum and gravitas as I've faced, but of course I want to respect the Mongol culture as best I can/respect difference when I come upon it, and thus as Khangai tells us the history of the rock I do my best not to indulge my lesser self until we actually make the half-mile drive from the ancient Mongolian capitol Khorkorum(3) to the countryside location of the rock and come upon a dozen or so tourists snapping pictures of a +/- 60cm stone penis that is more anatomically correct in person than you expect and is indeed pointing directly toward a sundry, sundry hillside and then I can't help myself and I begin to work blue.
It's here that I'll add that Khangai is 27 years old, single, incredibly kind and funny, and has earlier made the tactical mistake of admitting to a near historic fear of snakes(4) and as I'm connecting the phobia to the phallus a very loud old woman shouts something in the direction of a sheepish looking Mongol couple who are standing toward the posterior of the phallus. The husband looks grim/resigned and the wife fishes from her purse a paper box of milk and the old woman shouts and waves her arms and the wife circles the rock in a clockwise motion and tosses milk on the rock as she circles and I go from ha-ha-this-funny-rock-guy to I-Don't-Know-What-To-Do/Where-To-Look/What-Kind-of-Supportive-or-Disinterested-Physical-Cues-To-Give-The-Couple-guy and Khangai does a thing with her eyes and turns scarlet and turns around and Brandon keeps his head and snaps a few dozen photographs (see: TSO PHOTOBLOG).
The older woman shouts more and the wife keeps with the milk and then the husband has a plastic cup of milk and he full-force douses the rock in milk and the dozen or so tourists around applaud and the couple run out of milk and the older woman keeps with the shouting. Here, it's important to visualize the Phallic Rock as behind a sort of waist-high fence. The older woman shouts/does the thing with her arms, the husband looks like, "Yes, fine, okay, there's a metaphor here but I don't want to get into it,", the couple slips through the fence, and as Khangai whispers to me, "I would only do something like this if I had been drinking a lot of beer" the couple mounts separate ends of the rock so that their knees are touching and they rest their faces on each others' shoulders and they pray as hard as they can for children.
For a brief second it's as heartbreaking a thing as you can imagine - the things we'll all do for our unborn children - and then Brandon's camera snaps away, and I sneak in an over-the-shoulder iPhone pic that I can't wait to upload to Facebook, and we leave Phallic Rock and (omitted) Valley thinking how best to tell the story later on.
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(1) A familiar note on format: I'm writing this on an iPad in the Notes app in Mongolia where Internet access can get a little goofy. Apologies for: brevity, lack of clarity, and extreme sloppiness in presentation/typography).
(2). Yes, you - this little thing I'm doing here = gender coding, no doubt about it. But I'll say this too - Khangai said "Phallic Rock" with steady and cool pronunciation, but could say only, "Va-Va-Va....Valley" before giggling and turning red in her charming way and her inability there will serve as mine here. Here I'll add that my fear is not the word itself - which is the true name of the Valley, so - but putting the kind Pennlive blog editors in a difficult position and so I'll demure and you can finger point and you'll be right but this way i may be able to keep the blog etc. etc. Here you should say, "Shouldn't these issues of gender/culture/etc supersede your stupid little blog?" and of course you will be right and of course me putting the argument out before you say it doesn't make me even more right (self-awareness does not equal vindication, etc) and of course there's also a question of ego and self-involvement but I'm going to move forward and just ask for your forgiveness and you need not grant it.
(3) Of course I would do better by the Mongolians by writing about Khorkorum as opposed to the Phallic Rock. Here's what you need to know re: Khorkorum -- it has a pretty sad little museum funded by the Japanese, it has a monastery with 108 stupas, we spent some time listening to the monks of Khorkorum chant, the day was cold and rainy and beautiful, we were deeply moved by the history and the faith of the place, and then we left and went to Phallic Rock.
(4) Re: the film "Snakes on a Plane", Khangai says that is pretty well her biggest nightmare because, "There isn't enough room to do something crazy". Oh, Khangai, what does that mean?